Baby Got Book

Last night I went to my friend's house for a pizza night.  We had such a laugh watching random YouTube videos and giggling at the 'celebrities' entering Celeb BB and their inability to walk in heels.  Yet as the night went on we got talking about Christianity, our various beliefs and struggles.

We debated whether the Bible is full of rules or guidelines.  Knowing that God's grace will get us into heaven whether we stick to them or not can make them seem less important, but we know they're put there to help us.  Different sins can lead to different problems, heartbreak, illness, being a single parent, prison etc.  We also discussed our individual boundaries in certain areas and ways we can avoid doing anything stupid or getting hurt.

Another thing we spoke about was whether or not we'd take our future children to church.  Some people thought it was unfair to take children to church before they're old enough to make up their own mind.  However, some of us argued that we were raised Christians and still feel we made our own decisions to follow God.

One thing that really helped me personally was talking about being a good example to the youth.  I've always been pretty open about my mistakes because I didn't want to lie to anyone.  People have tried countless times to explain to me how that's not right, but last night, the message finally sank in.  We're not being hypocritical or pretending to be perfect, but we don't want to be perceived as encouraging others to sin.  We talked about how in certain situations, you need to tell people about things you've done wrong to help them on their journey with God, but telling everyone for the sake of being honest can do more harm than good.

I really don't tell my friends this enough but I feel so blessed to have them in my life.  Beth, Sian, Jess, Charlee, Megan and Ben - thanks once again for an amazing night!  

On a less serious note, here's one of the YouTube videos we watched, I must say I'm in love with it:

Snap Back to Reality

I find it pretty ironic that the minute I stop worrying about my future, things start working out.  Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t got everything sorted, but I have a rough plan for the next couple of years:

• level 2 teaching assistant apprenticeship
• church gap year program
• level 3 teaching assistant apprenticeship

In September, I start my apprenticeship at a local school.  It’s literally perfect for me as I can get a qualification and earn some money at the same time.  I just wish it was either less hours or more money.  I’m going to be working 30 hours a week for £75 (term time only, paid monthly) and I have so much to pay for.  I have to give Mum ‘keep’, pay for my FirstMonth (bus pass/ticket thing), save up for my gap year and pay friends and family back money I owe them.  I’m not going to be able to afford driving lessons anytime soon and I definitely won’t be able to spoil my nieces half as much as I’d like to.  As for spare money, I can basically forget it.  I could get myself a weekend/evening job but I’ll have to wait and see how I cope first, cuz I’m definitely going to carry on volunteering with kids and youth at church and I’ve still got coursework/studying etc to do.  I probably won’t be able to pay for driving lessons anytime soon but then to be honest, even if I could, I wouldn’t be able to afford a car, tax, insurance, petrol etc after I passed. 

Advice to anyone who isn’t an adult yet: run to Neverland now before reality catches up with you!

So, I guess, things aren’t actually sorted at all.  But I’ll just have to keep trusting God and remember to make time for Him even when I’m busy working.  Everyone pray, I'm gonna need it!

Sorry if this post seems a bit depressing, it was meant to be a 'Yayy I got a job!' type thing, but it didn't go as planned at all!

thought it was about time I actually started blogging again

So in my last blog post, I said ‘expect a new blog within the next few days. Firstly, the grammar there is terrible, it should be blog post, not blog – oops! Secondly, that was a bit of a fail as here I am roughly six weeks later finally doing another blog post. But to be quite honest, not much was happening in my life at the time and any blog post I could have written would have sent anyone reading it to sleep.

I don’t even know where to start with my life right now. God is starting to work in it again even though I continue to mess up. http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/simon_brading/im_alive.html These lyrics apply so much to my life it’s like they were written about me. I can’t find the song on YouTube, but it’s on the Newday – You Reign album if you wanna buy it :) 

So, that’s what’s going on right now.  As for the future, I’ve thought about it far too much about it for far too long.  I mean, for quite a while I’d given up on getting married, and had accepted that I’d end up a single mum living off benefits in a council house (after all, that was all I’d ever known). Then for a while, my attitude was, if I kiss enough frogs, I’ll find my prince eventually. But now I realise that I just need to trust that God will find me someone when the time is right.

As for work and education, I’m still not entirely sure what I’m going to do. I’m still passionate about kids and youth and am currently looking into doing some sort of childcare/education apprenticeship. I’m also planning on doing my church’s gap year program at some point. But whether or not that's what happens is a completely different story.

But none of this scares me anymore. I have faith that God has my future in His hands and things will all work out for the best. Until then, I need to work on myself and my relationship with God.

the reason I haven't been blogging

no, it's actually nothing to do with Charlie McDonnell - but he does explain it perfectly here :)

expect a new blog within the next few days

The Frog Concept

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.  -  Mark Twain 

It's a simple concept.  If you eat a live frog when you first get up in the morning, you can be pretty confident that you won’t have to do anything worse all day.  If you DID have to eat a live frog, you wouldn’t stare at it for ages first, you’d gulp it down quickly before you could think about what you were doing.
 

So if there’s one particularly nasty task that you’ve been putting off, do that first thing in the morning and don’t stop to think about it.  You’ll have it out of the way and everything else you do will be nothing in comparison.

My frog is definitely the washing up.  I let it build up ‘til it’s taking over the whole kitchen and Mum’s threatening to kick me out.   Then when I finally do it, we eat again and there’s more washing up to do.

What’s your frog?   Are you going to do it first thing in the morning or leave it for another day? 

Five Favourite YouTube Channels - April

This is a bit different from my usual blog posts.  As some of you know, I'm addicted to YouTube, and although I have limited internet usage at home, when I'm at Mum's boyfriend's house I get to watch as many videos as I like.  (Plus I recently downloaded a YouTube app so I can watch 'em on my phone.)  So I'm going to write about some of my favourite YouTube channels and videos that I've been loving this month.

kandeejohnson
Mainly make up and hair tutorials, but aswell as the standard everyday ones, she has some great costume make-up ones (my favourites are Betty Boop and Edward Scissorhands)

JennaMarbles
The first video of hers I saw was on 'how to avoid talking to people you don't want to talk to'.  That video is such a classic and still my favourite video of hers, but another one I love is 'how to trick people into thinking you're good looking'.  My favourite thing about her is that she doesn't take herself seriously AT ALL.

charlieissocoollike
I've been sharing his 'how to speak English' video with my American and Australian friends Marissa and Ashleigh who are moving to England in 2013.

emilyharder
Literally subscribed to her today.  She followed me on Twitter so I decided to check out her YouTube.  She has an amazing voice!  Mixture of acoustic covers and original songs.

AGayADay
Got into this due to Simon's Rebecca Black lyric analysis.  Simon's definitely my favourite.  But I love gay people, so I love this channel.

The Chair of Prophecy

A year or two ago, while I was at MSCF,  I had the privilege of meeting an apostle named Don Crum, and having him prophesy over me.  Back then, I hated the rare occasion where I had to sit in the main meetings at church and was probably going to leave church when I got too old for teen group.  So if I’d been invited to a prayer meeting or something, I wouldn’t have gone. 

But when my friend Hannah invited me to a pizza night, it seemed harmless enough.  Not all that boring grown-up rubbish.  Just chilling with friends and eating pizza.  I knew Don Crum was going to be there, but it was at Hannah’s house, pretty informal right?

So we’re all cotching on the sofas listening to Don’s stories about his time in Nigeria, when he does the unthinkable - he puts a chair in the middle of the room and asks if any of us want to be prayed for and prophesied over.  After an awkward silence someone sits in the chair and from then on – WOW!  He just seems to know everything about each and every one of us and our individual gifts.  He prophesies over all my friends and eventually my feet just kind of take over and I somehow end up in that chair.  Don tells me how glad he is I went up and starts to pray for and prophesy over me.  He tells me God’s plan for me involves helping children.  I look at my friends in shock and they all look back at me, smiling.  They all know what he doesn’t: I’m taking a childcare course at college.  Once he’s finished praying, I tell him this.  Once he’s out of earshot I proceed to ask everyone ‘Who told him?’.  Nobody confesses and I’m so confused; I know these people and they wouldn’t lie to me.  That’s when I realise it’s a genuine word from God.

Well, after that night, everything starts to go wrong at my college placement.  I end up quitting my course.  I try and find other ways of getting into childcare but no doors seem to be opening. 

***

In January this year, I was asked by the youth pastor at KCC to join the leadership of their youth group, LIFE.  At the time, I was just happy that I could continue to be part of LIFE now that I was too old to go.  Now, in April, I’m just starting to realise what a part that plays in the prophesy being fulfilled.  My eyes have been opened to something which, if I’m honest, I was too narrow-minded to see before: teenagers are children too and they need help just as much, if not more than younger children.

I’ve always helped people with their problems.  I never realised that was part of God’s plan for me.  Lately I’ve had a lot more opportunities to help people and I’ve realised God has an amazing ability to use bad things and get good outcomes.  I’ve been able to help young people who are bullied because I’ve been bullied myself.  I spoke to one girl who is so broken by one mistake she made and been able to share some of my own mistakes with her and show her that nobody is perfect but God loves us anyway.

I know that this is just the start of God’s plan for my life and I’m excited to find out what’s next.  So excited, in fact, that while I was writing this, I managed to do this:

I would like to thank some people now:

• Hannah Hunt, for inviting me to the pizza night
• Don Crum, for listening to God for me when I couldn’t be bothered, and telling me what I needed to hear. 
• Liam Parker, for giving me the opportunity to be part of leading such an amazing youth group
• my new found brothers sisters in Christ (all my friends at KCC), thanks for your continual support, encouragement, prayers, cuddles and chats.
• Jess Newson, for coming up with the title for this blog post.
• and last but by no means least, God Himself.  Because without Him none of this would be possible.

Haha, it sounds like I’m famous or something.  Ahh well, it needed to be done.  Also, a big shout out to the youth at LIFE, you guys are amazing!  I genuinely believe you could change the world someday.

(MSCF is my old church, KCC is my current church, LIFE, or living in freedom everday, is KCC's youth group.)

When We Drink We Do It Right ... Or Do We?

Last month I did something I seriously regretted whilst under the influence of alcohol. I don’t feel I can post details on here, but it was completely out of character for me. I was at a party in Swindon where I barely knew anyone, so none of my close friends were there to stop me. I’d been drinking but wasn’t particularly drunk. However, I’d obviously had enough to affect my judgement because I did something that went against my morals. I felt terrible, both physically and mentally, all night and the next day. 

For a while I thought I’d never drink again. Not even a glass. If you know me at all, you’ll know that was pretty unrealistic. I did try for a bit but my heart wasn’t in it. I was just doing it to please my friends at church. So I decided to change to stopping for lent. Apart from one sip of wine where I genuinely forgot, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol. It hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be. I used to think I needed to drink to have a good time and would binge drink every weekend for no particular reason. But I’ve had some good times without alcohol over lent, two of the best being bowling for Mel’s 16th and Nando’s for Beth’s 18th. 

So while I’m not ready to completely stop drinking, I have definitely realised my attitude towards it needs to change. I don’t NEED alcohol to have a good time and alcohol is definitely NOT harmless. There’s no point getting drunk all the time for no reason; the only thing that’ll get me is an early grave. After lent, I’m sure I’ll be pubbing, clubbing and partying again, but I’m going to be careful who I drink with. Now that I know there’s so much more to life than drinking I want to experience that too! Who knows, I might even try a sober night out, it could be fun laughing at everyone else being drunk!

Also, I know this was a pretty risky thing to post as a youth leader, and a Christian one at that. If the youth are reading this I want them to know what I never did until recently: that even leaders aren't perfect. I'm not saying for a minute that drinking is right, in fact I know now more than ever that it can be really bad. But I'm also not going to pretend to be perfect. I've been away from church/God for a while, so it's like starting the journey all over again. I'm struggling with all sorts of temptation, I've got a long way to go in my relationship with God and I'm not a brilliant role model. I hope that as I restore my relationship with God, He’ll tell me what I need to change in my life and help me with it.

Didn’t Get Around To This Last Night

In my last post, I mentioned a challenge.  It was to write a list of things that changed your life in 2010 and then go back and write ‘His love endures forever.’ next to each one.  I can’t remember everything that happened in 2010, but here’s a list of some of those things:

• My second niece Skye was born.  His love endures forever.
• I left college.  His love endures forever.
• I got a Christmas temp job.  His love endures forever.
• I started attending LIFE (church youth group) more regularly.  His love endures forever.
• I made some amazing friends.  His love endures forever.
• My estranged dad finally replied to one of my letters, only to tell me he wants nothing to do with me.  His love endures forever.
• I was diagnosed with depression.  His love endures forever.
• I got bad marks in my dance exams.  His love endures forever.

It is actually quite an eye-opening exercise, because makes you see how His word relates to your life.  I would strongly recommend that you do this, whether a long or short list and whether you share it or not.

His Love Endures Forever

So I woke up pretty early this morning, which was completely uncharacteristic of me. After waking up a little bit, I felt the urge to check my emails and read ONLY my daily devotionals. I get three per day and don’t always ‘have time’ to read them. The stupid thing is, I do pretty much nothing all day most days. I could easily make time. I have so much more time than a lot of my friends and they still make time for the Bible.

Anyway, only two of them had come, so I read those. The first was about how the power of the Holy Spirit is inside of us waiting for us to ‘activate’ it. It was saying about how if Jesus turned up, you wouldn’t be ‘too busy’ to talk to Him. You would make time for Him no matter what. The second was about different types of faith, a ‘how come people get healed who have never had much faith, yet I have to work so hard?’ sort of thing.

Just as I was about to log out, the third email appeared. It was based around Psalm 136. This next part really jumped out at me. I was literally talking to some of my friends last night about how I’ve been feeling and this just sums it up:

'There may be times in our lives when we cry, “Where are you God? Don’t you care what is happening to me? I can’t hear You. I can’t see Your hand working in my life.” But be assured of this. Even when we can’t sense God’s presence, He is always there. Always. And through it all, one thing remains the same – “His love endures forever!” '

Then there was a prayer: ‘LORD, today I am rejoicing over the truth that Your love endures forever. Even though everything around me may be falling apart and changing, You will always remain the same yesterday, today and tomorrow! In Jesus’ Name, Amen’

It then set a challenge. ‘Just for fun, list all the things that changed in your life in 2010. This might take a while. Now after each of those entries, go back and write the phrase: His love endures forever.’ I am going to do this later, and I challenge everyone reading to do this. In fact, I DARE YOU!

Right now, I am off to get ready and go to my sister’s to see her and my beautiful nieces. I’m feeling another blog entry later, and I’ll share my list with you then.

*first two emails - Kenneth Copeland Ministries
third email - Girlfriends in God*

Going Back to School/Lent

Yesterday I went for an interview at my old school, to see if they’ll let me back to get some qualifications. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting it to go well, because I left school early and towards the end wasn’t the best student. Always getting in trouble for smoking, swearing, bunking, attitude or not doing any work. I certainly wouldn’t have let me back! Thank goodness my headmaster only seems to remember the good little girl from before all of that! I met the head of sixth form who helped advise me on which courses to take and unless anything changes between now and September I’ll be doing English and Maths GCSEs, Business Studies and Media Studies ASs (and yes, I am immature enough to find the fact that says ‘ass’ funny!), and ICT BTEC.

I’m so happy to be given another chance and I’m determined to stick at it this time! It’s going to be a lot of hard work, but it’ll be worth it. It’s not the work I’m worried about though. I’ve grown up a lot since leaving school and I know I can do it. My main concern is finances. My first year will be funded by the government, but I’ll probably have to pay for my second, as I’ll be nineteen at the start of the school year. Mum and I aren’t in a great situation financially, so I guess I’ll have to trust God to help with the money. I mean, the sixth form wouldn’t usually accept somebody with no GCSEs and my mum’s attitude towards me going back has improved dramatically since my friends at church started praying about it, so it seems like God’s been involved so far.

In other news, Lent starts tomorrow. I’ve decided giving up drinking permanently is very unlikely at least right now. So I’m going to give it up for Lent instead for now .

a friend's blog

Please read/follow my friend Ben's blog: http://hudell.blogspot.com/
His latest post is on the subject of friendship, which is a pretty big part of most people's lives, so it's definitely worth reading :)

My Door

Taking inspiration from friends and adding my own twist has resulted in Bible verses and Christian song lyrics on neon sticky notes stuck to the inside of my bedroom door (with Blu-tack, ‘cuz they’re just not sticky enough). But it’s nowhere near finished yet, so if you have any ideas for verses or lyrics please comment this post.

Four Goals

Credit to Ellie (let me just take this chance to plug her blog: http://ellieundone.blogspot.com/) for helping me come up with these.

1) don't try to please anyone other than God
2) stop drinking
3) read Bible, pray, develop personal relationship with God
4) don’t go to male friends for help unless absolutely necessary

Now, these aren’t going to be easy. For example, number 2. I went out yesterday, not worried about getting too drunk cuz I only had £4.50 in my purse. Well, my friend Sam’s dad bought me a vodka and coke at The Goose and then Sam and I went to the Manor and she offered to buy me drinks. Did I refuse? No. I mean, who would turn down free drinks, right? But later, feeling like utter crap, I realised I’d probably drunk too much. I’m proud to say I did turn down cigarettes though. I guess I’m just taking this one step at a time.

Number 1 – anyone that knows me will know I try way too hard to please my friends. I like to make everyone happy and generally do what I’m told. When it comes to God, I’m not so great. I go to church every Sunday, I pray occasionally but really, I have a habit of friends over God. I guess it’s cuz I can’t see God. There’s always that ‘what if?’ nagging at the back of my mind, ‘what if God’s not real and I’ve given up everything for no reason?’. My friends, well, I know they’re real. But I’ve come to realise that whatever I do, they’ll never be completely satisfied. So living for God: well, if He’s real, I’ve got a free ticket to a neverending holiday, which is pretty cool tbh! If He’s not (and that is such a tiny ‘if’, because I’ve seen so much that proves He is real), have I really wasted my life by not wrecking my liver? By not sleeping with every guy that comes along? I doubt I’ll ever regret things like that. So maybe now it’s time to give it a go - what have I got to lose?

Number 3 - I so want to do this! I’ve gone back to church, started praying more, but where do I start with reading the Bible? It’s a pretty huge book! If anyone actually has ideas on this, PLEASE comment! As for a relationship with God, I guess by reading the Bible and praying that’ll sort of improve anyway.

Number 4 – I think this will actually be the easiest to stick to. I’ve made so many great girlfriends (and by that I mean, friends who are female!) lately that I don’t need to go to guys. In the past, guys were the only people who would listen to me ramble on about my problems, but not anymore (thanks to all my new friends at KCC for being there).

Now that I’ve posted these for the world to see, I’m going to want to stick to them. Does that mean I’m automatically breaking number 1?

Random Jumble of Thoughts

I’ve realised lately that so many of the younger teenage girls look up to me not only as a youth leader, but also as a friend and ‘older sister’ figure. It’s pretty scary to know that my words and actions can influence so many young people. It’s my responsibility to be a good example for them - at that age; you’re so easily influenced by your peers and can really go off the rails.

I know people a lot worse than me, but I’m by no means perfect. I’ve done so many things over the years that I regret, but now I’m starting to understand that those are the things that make me who I am today. I think, for me personally, I needed to mess up to grow up. I have some amazing Christian friends from not only KCC (my current church), but also ABC and MSCF (my past churches), who have lived their lives without really messing up and I really respect them for it, but I know that if I hadn’t experimented, I would resent God for ‘not letting me’ have fun. So thank the Lord for free will, and even more for grace. Because when you try things out and realise they’re not that great, you can go back to Him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those geeky religious people – to be honest, people like that annoy me so much! I’m not religious, I’m a Christian – and there is a BIG difference.

So I’m sitting wondering how on earth to write this intro so that people will actually want to continue reading.

The truth is, I’m just an eighteen-year-old girl. I’m a nineties kid at heart and born in early ’93 I had the privilege of being around for most of that wonderful decade. Cheesy pop songs, jelly shoes and McDonald’s parties were just a few of the things I loved so much. I was raised by a single mum who had barely any money, but I don’t feel I missed out at all. I appreciated the little things so much more and I can truly say I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

I love the simple things in life, like watching Gilmore Girls with my mum, early morning cuddles with my nieces, listening to the rain against my window when I’m tucked up in my bed and my nan’s roast dinners.

Well, that’s enough about me for now. I don’t want to bore you too much.