Last month I did something I seriously regretted whilst under the influence of alcohol. I don’t feel I can post details on here, but it was completely out of character for me. I was at a party in Swindon where I barely knew anyone, so none of my close friends were there to stop me. I’d been drinking but wasn’t particularly drunk. However, I’d obviously had enough to affect my judgement because I did something that went against my morals. I felt terrible, both physically and mentally, all night and the next day.
For a while I thought I’d never drink again. Not even a glass. If you know me at all, you’ll know that was pretty unrealistic. I did try for a bit but my heart wasn’t in it. I was just doing it to please my friends at church. So I decided to change to stopping for lent. Apart from one sip of wine where I genuinely forgot, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol. It hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be. I used to think I needed to drink to have a good time and would binge drink every weekend for no particular reason. But I’ve had some good times without alcohol over lent, two of the best being bowling for Mel’s 16th and Nando’s for Beth’s 18th.
So while I’m not ready to completely stop drinking, I have definitely realised my attitude towards it needs to change. I don’t NEED alcohol to have a good time and alcohol is definitely NOT harmless. There’s no point getting drunk all the time for no reason; the only thing that’ll get me is an early grave. After lent, I’m sure I’ll be pubbing, clubbing and partying again, but I’m going to be careful who I drink with. Now that I know there’s so much more to life than drinking I want to experience that too! Who knows, I might even try a sober night out, it could be fun laughing at everyone else being drunk!
Also, I know this was a pretty risky thing to post as a youth leader, and a Christian one at that. If the youth are reading this I want them to know what I never did until recently: that even leaders aren't perfect. I'm not saying for a minute that drinking is right, in fact I know now more than ever that it can be really bad. But I'm also not going to pretend to be perfect. I've been away from church/God for a while, so it's like starting the journey all over again. I'm struggling with all sorts of temptation, I've got a long way to go in my relationship with God and I'm not a brilliant role model. I hope that as I restore my relationship with God, He’ll tell me what I need to change in my life and help me with it.
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