Four Goals

Credit to Ellie (let me just take this chance to plug her blog: http://ellieundone.blogspot.com/) for helping me come up with these.

1) don't try to please anyone other than God
2) stop drinking
3) read Bible, pray, develop personal relationship with God
4) don’t go to male friends for help unless absolutely necessary

Now, these aren’t going to be easy. For example, number 2. I went out yesterday, not worried about getting too drunk cuz I only had £4.50 in my purse. Well, my friend Sam’s dad bought me a vodka and coke at The Goose and then Sam and I went to the Manor and she offered to buy me drinks. Did I refuse? No. I mean, who would turn down free drinks, right? But later, feeling like utter crap, I realised I’d probably drunk too much. I’m proud to say I did turn down cigarettes though. I guess I’m just taking this one step at a time.

Number 1 – anyone that knows me will know I try way too hard to please my friends. I like to make everyone happy and generally do what I’m told. When it comes to God, I’m not so great. I go to church every Sunday, I pray occasionally but really, I have a habit of friends over God. I guess it’s cuz I can’t see God. There’s always that ‘what if?’ nagging at the back of my mind, ‘what if God’s not real and I’ve given up everything for no reason?’. My friends, well, I know they’re real. But I’ve come to realise that whatever I do, they’ll never be completely satisfied. So living for God: well, if He’s real, I’ve got a free ticket to a neverending holiday, which is pretty cool tbh! If He’s not (and that is such a tiny ‘if’, because I’ve seen so much that proves He is real), have I really wasted my life by not wrecking my liver? By not sleeping with every guy that comes along? I doubt I’ll ever regret things like that. So maybe now it’s time to give it a go - what have I got to lose?

Number 3 - I so want to do this! I’ve gone back to church, started praying more, but where do I start with reading the Bible? It’s a pretty huge book! If anyone actually has ideas on this, PLEASE comment! As for a relationship with God, I guess by reading the Bible and praying that’ll sort of improve anyway.

Number 4 – I think this will actually be the easiest to stick to. I’ve made so many great girlfriends (and by that I mean, friends who are female!) lately that I don’t need to go to guys. In the past, guys were the only people who would listen to me ramble on about my problems, but not anymore (thanks to all my new friends at KCC for being there).

Now that I’ve posted these for the world to see, I’m going to want to stick to them. Does that mean I’m automatically breaking number 1?

Random Jumble of Thoughts

I’ve realised lately that so many of the younger teenage girls look up to me not only as a youth leader, but also as a friend and ‘older sister’ figure. It’s pretty scary to know that my words and actions can influence so many young people. It’s my responsibility to be a good example for them - at that age; you’re so easily influenced by your peers and can really go off the rails.

I know people a lot worse than me, but I’m by no means perfect. I’ve done so many things over the years that I regret, but now I’m starting to understand that those are the things that make me who I am today. I think, for me personally, I needed to mess up to grow up. I have some amazing Christian friends from not only KCC (my current church), but also ABC and MSCF (my past churches), who have lived their lives without really messing up and I really respect them for it, but I know that if I hadn’t experimented, I would resent God for ‘not letting me’ have fun. So thank the Lord for free will, and even more for grace. Because when you try things out and realise they’re not that great, you can go back to Him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those geeky religious people – to be honest, people like that annoy me so much! I’m not religious, I’m a Christian – and there is a BIG difference.

So I’m sitting wondering how on earth to write this intro so that people will actually want to continue reading.

The truth is, I’m just an eighteen-year-old girl. I’m a nineties kid at heart and born in early ’93 I had the privilege of being around for most of that wonderful decade. Cheesy pop songs, jelly shoes and McDonald’s parties were just a few of the things I loved so much. I was raised by a single mum who had barely any money, but I don’t feel I missed out at all. I appreciated the little things so much more and I can truly say I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

I love the simple things in life, like watching Gilmore Girls with my mum, early morning cuddles with my nieces, listening to the rain against my window when I’m tucked up in my bed and my nan’s roast dinners.

Well, that’s enough about me for now. I don’t want to bore you too much.